1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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