Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
