i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
