And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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