If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
