she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
