So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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