I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
