I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
