she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize