Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
