My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
