That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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