***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize