Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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