you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
