When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
