Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
