you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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