i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
