Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
