wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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