he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
