I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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