when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
