Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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