Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
