just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize