Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
