Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
