Pants 0. Shit 1.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
