We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize