i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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