those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
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Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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