VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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