I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
