She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
