im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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