i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i will never coherently bang her
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
