I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
