he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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