we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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