Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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