lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We need to get me chipped asap
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
