On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
