New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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