Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
