god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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