If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
