mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You're like the curious george of whores
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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