I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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