I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
