We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
