Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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