I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
