I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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