I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
