no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
