My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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