i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
