So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
