is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
